Comming this Summer to theaters near you
B ear Bryant was a serious and daring man; he taught college kids to run and catch odd shaped balls without pay.
He was a dirty old man that wreaked of Valentine's Day and salsa dancing.
Often he would think of how fascinating AIDS could really be.
Then he realized that the Dixie Chicks had AIDS and he wished someone would push them out of an airplane at 30,000 feet.
Dead was too dignified for these b-grade country pop asshats, it was frightening and silly that they should be let off so lightly.
And so, he burst into song: "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?" The hostile screeching of his voice, like a thousand root bear floats with crooked straws scraping across the floor of a 7-11, shattered the crystal balls of the country singers, and also his dignity.
"Those luscious Tobacco Companies are like bogus vampires that turn my reproductive organs black & blue. I wrote this poem to show you a side of me you never knew. And your singing is horrible" he said. The man cried for eight hours straight.
Drying his eyes upon the pasty-white linen cloth of his tiny cabin in the woods, the goofy looking man smiled warily.
Squinting, he was convinced he could see pink flamingos playing the piano! Confused, he staggered back into the cabin.
He was beginning to think that maybe trippin with my grandma was not healthy for him anymore...which is the suprise ending in this Dustin Hoffman movie.