Completed Stories from Invent a Story

OMG! He's gonna kill Britney!

2008-07-22T23:02:56Z

There were once three actresses, and they all owned hummingbirds.

The hummingbirds liked to listen to rock and roll. However, they were watching Thelma & Louise and soon became foot loose & fancy free while giving each other devious kisses.

But not as shocking as witty airplanes flying around like bumblebees. My school

... likes to eat turkeys on a leg of donkeys, see bert & ernie make out in the conner everyday, but it was perfect.

He felt just fine observing the relaxing view on the seaside.

He may be old now but sitting where he was he still felt the old power and glory that was once him. He saw an object to his left. A seashell. He began to get an idea..

A sudden memory of Joan Of Arc dawned on him when he looked up at the dark sky of the starry night. He started reminding himself all the story he was taught in elementary school. At the moment the idea crystallised.

It was probably a bad idea. But he got the idea from his memory of Joan of Arc, and something Britney Spears once said.

"I will become skin & bones again. y'all just wait and see" She had said. He started to think that ground up and decomposed...she just might be useful for once as fertilizer.

Ice cream and strawberries laced with LSD

2008-07-03T23:48:49Z

"How thoughtful." said the sophisticated young girl to the boy that brought her the bowl of ice cream and strawberries.

When she made it to the bottom of the bowl, Bert & Ernie (of Sesame Street fame), stared back at her and she thought: "My hair is so tame. Maybe I should die it bright red."

Then suddenly, Walt Disney, Ernest Hemingway and Jack The Ripper appeared across the street, running a marathon.

The man walking the dog across the street was delighted to see Ernest Hemmingway was a sporty fellow, but a feeling of horror came over him as he realized Hemmingway was going to lose the marathon to Mel Gibson.

But suddenly, Mr. Bean was running so fast naked with his very shiny black shoe.

He hardly noticed his lack of clothes so much as he noticed the uncolorful nature of his shoe.

But as the minutes passed he returned his attention to the task before him. He'd be damned if he was going to let George Washington get the better of him this time.

But his thoughts quickly drifted elsewhere. "Mermaids are awesome!" He thought.

They taste very delicious.

Much better than eggplant anyway.

Weird Science

2008-07-02T02:50:16Z

Reading & writing are concepts lost in today's world. Now, all Jimmy wants to do is text on his phone. It makes me want to pull my hair out, but then I would need some new & improved organic hair.

Of course, reading & writing will not be needed once the brutal forest fires hit, in accordance to the prophecy. New & improved organic hair, however, will keep the eccentric high and dry.

The brilliant solutions coaxed out of the cranky hair will seem weak at first, but as time coaxes its secrets out of the new science people will begin to realize their true potential.

NO! I must be the one to show the people the potentials of bringing ice & snow to the ancient planets of Venus & Mars.

"Be calm," i told myself, "cool & collected. That's the ticket." Slowly and stealthily i began removing nuts & bolts from my rival's invention. The satisfaction of my impending victory was almost sensual.

My nimble fingers dissected the piece before me and my toes tingled at the sight of the radiant items dropping onto the table beside me.

Long & lean, my fingers made quick work of the dissection. Sipping my root beer, I gazed triumphantly at the table, satisfied with my achievement.

My future was about to be brighter. I'd be able to afford the tattoos I wanted from the profits I'd surely recieve on this.

They wouldn't call me Dumbo anymore. It would be glorious to see the looks on their faces when they saw how rich I was going to be.

The American dream along with red roses was going to be at my feet at last!

The adventures of Alan and Bill

2008-06-28T04:47:09Z

Once upon a time, in the technological lands of Silicon Valley was a pimp named Alan Greenspan who was one helluva pimp.

Decided technological lands of "Silicon Valley" wasn't Cardboard enough for him. So he went to the Nerdyerness falls of Autry Mill. There he met a patriotic man who wasn't that social with other folks, and they

They reenacted the Attack on Pearl Harbor by Hang Gliding off the roof of "Frank's Patriotic Big & Tall Shop" and proceeded to beat anyone they saw with nine irons.

After they hang glided, they gave hugs to each other, and were arrested for assault and battery of the victims of their nine irons.

Soon the festering wounds of the victims kill them and the two witty men were able to out smart there way out of jail by giving the police aged linguine with clam sauce

The linguine had the police thinking the Loch Ness Monster was behind it all, so the patriotic man and Alan were able to have the charges dropped.

And then Abbot & Costello came and sang an entertaining round of about the metric system, which made everyone long for death & taxes on wine.

The glitzy song even brought Bill Clinton out to the show, after making his room all neat & clean after Monica Lewinsky left. He thought about buying a house so he wouldn't have to clean up after her before his wife returned.

So Bill Clinton had a brilliant idea to buy a house in Iraq where he owns a hash farm run by frail Iraqi kids who plan on starting a revolution.

Unfortunately for him, his wife Hillary told him work on ways to allow a bunch of fresh illegal immigrants into America and give them more benefits than Americans have instead of daydreaming about a house in Iraq.

Eventually all the singing, political commentary and whatnot subsided, and Alan Greenspan made his get-away from the cops with his patriot friend. Because they both had a strong affinity for American economic policy and large belt buckles, they immediately left for Dead Fish Texas--home of "Sam's Fine Beltbuckles"--on recommendation from Adam Sandler.

Dead Fish was famous for being a no fly zone for the federal anti-drug force choppers. Bill and Alan new that hash and tattoo parlors would be plentiful there

Now, you may be wondering why Bill and Alan get along so well, it all goes back to that flirtatious weekend they spent together in summer camp...alone.

With Ronald McDonald.

And Stephen King.

...arguing in the room next door, it made it difficult for Bill and Alan to get to know each other. Gunshots were fired in the room next door, so it was decided that after their earlier disagreements with the cops Alan thought It may be better to leave the Scene of the Crime quickly before they were questioned.

They fled through the huge woods barefoot, hand and hand.

once they found a safe sleeping ground with haunting looking goats, they laughed until one of them coughed up a large amount of burning liquid. An idea of selling this burning liquid came into the other's mind and impossible ideas ran as fast as a waterfall.

Bill said "You could could sell that in Supermarkets, I'm sure!" Alan seemed thoughtful, but was looking longingly at the goats.

"Ick, why are you staring at those goats like that!" Bill said. "Stick to clueless choir boys, their spotless innocence makes them like puppets to our slavish sexual deviancy."

"But why would they endure the painful sexual exploitation?" Alan thought. He dared not say his thoughts aloud, as it wouldn't be polite.

He just kept on enjoying their extreme doings.

Soon the goats' behinds were raw from their senseless sexual activities. They will never forget to tell this story during any high school reunions that may come up.

It may sound absurd, but most things are with Alan and Bill.

This is the type of people Higs School football players usually turn out to be.

The witch hunt

2008-06-28T02:15:13Z

In Carilon Square, on a cold night, I walked barefooted to the bench.

All I was wearing was a flamboyant dress from the 1960s, one that looked like the kind that small girls put on their Barbie dolls while their brothers are watching cartoons with trashy plots.

I have to say, it looked stunning on me with its long, flowing lines and flattering hems.

My boobs looked like cupcakes waterskiing under a silky sea of inspirational magnificence.

They are my hot & heavy girls, they are the source of all my power.

And so, bracing against any nosebleeds, i set out for my witch hunt.

The first place to hunt witches would be in high school reunions.

I should know, because my high school prom was loaded with witches. I wish I knew how to hunt them back then. Now I'm ready, after having received thorough training as a witch-hunter. I know their weakness. My garlic grenades will tear them apart. "To the high school reunion!" I said to the taxi driver.

So off I headed in the Taxi. I stepped into the school cafeteria with the grenades in the pack on my back. The first people I saw was a couple who had picked on me rather badly, Fred & Wilma. Any doubt I had before was quicky shot dead, as there was simply no way that Wilma wasn't a witch.

I began to feel like a new person as I quietly slipped one of the grenades out of my pack. Goodbye King's High School class of 1992!

Joe

2008-06-28T02:11:50Z

Joe loves his Cheesy Handcuffs.

Joe is a boring, mystical creature who loves to play miniature golf.

But Joe don't have a gender. He (or she) have that name becouse that is the first word that the eggplant (her mather) has read on an Old newspaper...

Her "mather", as stated before, was born and raised in Detroit...that's right DETROIT. The Pole Vaulting capital of Africa.

"I love fries cooked up by Ronald McDonald!" He screamed until no one heard him. He screamed and screamed ... and screamed. Until the old man came back in dreamy daze and said, "Those fries are unhealthly at you!" I love mexico.

jolly fur fearful bert and ernie

delicious nut & bolts in the wonderful flower gardens of north & south dakota

On of the best kept secrets are the going ons of the naughty & nice things in the restrooms at truck stops

but the best part is how foot loose & fancy free it is in the area. This is what you can experiance if you are rich.

sure, they have skeletons in their closets, and hamsters in their asses, but oh to be one of them!

Just a squirrel tryin' to get a nut.

2008-06-28T01:56:21Z

Hot and sweaty, the savage squirrel continued demanding more salty, juicy, and savory nuts of all sizes, shapes, and colors.

The nuts are often misunderstood to be tree nuts. However, they are in fact testicles. Momo relaxed as he gave his three nuts to the squirrel.

The squirrel, wei-wei, tasted the succulent nuts and experienced a colorful collage of tastes he had never encountered before. It felt much like how early Europeans felt when discovering America.

The squirrel decided that it was much of a touch & go affair. The nuts were bad and rotten, like the source that they came from. They were also kind of worthless.

The squirrel felt it so disturbing that he through them into the local poison ivy.

Desperate for nuts, weiwei the squirrel was going crazy. He decided to check out a local gay bar for some fresh testicles.

He was so cranky yet feeling lewd and lascivious, creating awkward moments with the local girl squirrels.

Yes, the furry friend was young & restless.

Which is fine if you like such twisted things.

I personally find people who do spooky.

uhhhhhh....

2008-06-27T00:00:18Z

she was a stunning swimmer, the best. but no one knew the dark secret of her success, if they did they would have her deported immediately.

The corrupt government have tried for years to find out the mysterious girl's secret. And so one day the IRS came knocking on her door, because she failed to declare 2 cents worth of taxes, and accused her of prostitution, which again she failed to declare the taxes for. The girl didnt know what to do, so she did what she was best at: swam on the IRS agents hard and erected boats. She was so good at swimming, that she swam all day, until the water squirted from the erect boat.

But Abraham Lincoln did not approve of the IRS agents receiving blow jobs as bribes. They were quite costly and would cause Hansel & Gretel not to make matzo balls for GI Joe.

However, the resulting drama between Honest Abe and GI Joe would make for a creative episode of Jerry Springer, so instead Hansel & Gretel resolved themselves to merely playing checkers. While nude.

You may think this sounds quite unbelievable, shocking even. Yet most things that shock the average mind aren't as hazardous to your health as you might think. BANANAS!

The most hazardous to your health is John called The Legendary Big & Tall with his square-shaped face he got on a summer camp when he got beaten up by a smaller kid.

John is definitely to be avoided if seen playing with his sharp knives! My advice... run a mile. If he catches up with you, try to placate him with something light & fluffy.

If you're lucky, the larder will be stocked with marshmallows, which slow him from cruel & unusual to unpleasant and quirky.

Thank God for chain link fences. He didn't need anyone to catch him doing this. It might sound like a girly thing...a thing he didn't want to explain, but it was so relaxing.

But these are the odds & ends in the crazy minds of people from Milwaukee.

Modern art

2008-06-26T23:54:39Z

Wired Candy and the beguining of time

The cool feeling of eating Milk & Cookies made Spike Lee long for a more exciting adventure. What adventure could be so excellent?

I'll tell you what adventure: Fred Flintstone making bunk beds with power tools, out of nothing but a pile of used erasers and an alarmingly realistic plastic severed head.

That is hot, hilarious and hot. You my friend are FANTASTIC!

This was the finest bacon art he had ever seen: a near perfect bust of Walt Disney.

And then the blonde girl said: "Mom & Pop wanted such a delightful bust." One might ponder what she said at the time, but not too much though, for it is amazing atonement that one perceives such things. Could it be then that like a new vantage point, that bust was supposed to be more real than you and me?

It was rare to see such a beautiful bust. Totally natural and pleasant to behold, its curves were an example of expert craftsmanship.

This European trip had may adjetives to descrip it but if it had to be reduced to one that word would be 'unforgettable".

There are some people who think getting a hug is worth doing anything for. Such people can be rather Fascinating.

I can not believe I hung out with such thin minded people in my past.

controling your inner goddess

2008-06-23T23:22:36Z

It's pathetic, how many times I had to use my mind at work today. I really wish that I could be at the Statue of Liberty, instead of shoveling this pile of leaves into my mind.

It was even painful to think so much. Brothers & Sisters, think for yourself!

Men need to address and express their feminine natures! Not just when your girlfriend is wet or on a full moon. Love your inner woman and she'll love you in return. But only if she doesn't have a headache.

However, you cannot let the "inner woman" Have too much freedom. Then she will become dangerous. Preferably, use machine guns to control her.

Seeing as machine guns are hard to come by these days, putting "organic" supplements in her drink should also do the job.

To ensure she's fully finished off, wait for her to collapse, remove one of her high heels and deliver a swift blow to the temple.

They says sticks & stones may break your bones, but these shattered her skull as she lay on the ground motionless.

The bugs began to crawl over her motionless, deceased body.

Alfred Hitchcock could not have written a horror scene this bad before.

As the flies flew around, a man that was standing nearby saw the woman's dead body and decided to rape her before calling the police.

Things I wrote in my journal while high

2008-06-23T01:08:24Z

Godzilla was bored playing Pokemon one day, so he decided to start a colorful parade.

The parade included stunning rap music, zucchini fried in beer batter, and busy elves making toys for Christmas in July.

It was the last day of school, and no one would guess what twisted plan "shiny mittens" had in store for the whole town.

He was to meet up with Dr. Evil and go to McDonald's to discuss their plan, which started off in internet chat rooms.

"Last night," Began Dr. Evil. "I shot two jolly stunt people who were carrying dictionaries in their hands for trying to steal the two things I love the most...Mom and Apple Pie."

That sent a message, loud & clear, about how we do things around here. "Clean off your face, you mutt!"

he said and hit her with a flat fish. That wasn't a tender touch. Neither was it a good Christmas gift.

Winning the lottery – now THAT was a good Christmas gift. Yet they kept their purse-strings under tight control. They travelled extensively, staying in hotels & motels up and down the country to see all the glorious sights and smells that their homeland had to offer.

Their passion for their homeland began to dwindle as they realised more and more the accuracy of the film Dumb & Dumber and regularly saw citizens resembling the hairy co-star.

And now that my story is concluded, I will go to my bathroom spank my monkey and dump out something that looks like Celine Dion

Comming this Summer to theaters near you

2008-06-22T23:18:28Z

Bear Bryant was a serious and daring man; he taught college kids to run and catch odd shaped balls without pay.

He was a dirty old man that wreaked of Valentine's Day and salsa dancing.

Often he would think of how fascinating AIDS could really be.

Then he realized that the Dixie Chicks had AIDS and he wished someone would push them out of an airplane at 30,000 feet.

Dead was too dignified for these b-grade country pop asshats, it was frightening and silly that they should be let off so lightly.

And so, he burst into song: "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?" The hostile screeching of his voice, like a thousand root bear floats with crooked straws scraping across the floor of a 7-11, shattered the crystal balls of the country singers, and also his dignity.

"Those luscious Tobacco Companies are like bogus vampires that turn my reproductive organs black & blue. I wrote this poem to show you a side of me you never knew. And your singing is horrible" he said. The man cried for eight hours straight.

Drying his eyes upon the pasty-white linen cloth of his tiny cabin in the woods, the goofy looking man smiled warily.

Squinting, he was convinced he could see pink flamingos playing the piano! Confused, he staggered back into the cabin.

He was beginning to think that maybe trippin with my grandma was not healthy for him anymore...which is the suprise ending in this Dustin Hoffman movie.

Losing my job was worth it, or was it?

2008-06-19T22:14:10Z

Today I finally got fired from the National Enquirer.

They warned me, but the it was too dirty not to tell.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been cleaning the bathroom when I discovered something disgusting.

It looked as if 100 flying monkeys had chosen this week to make a "deposit" behind the john

A quick & dirty inspection proved that, yes, that was indeed the case.

today was an very intresting day, the rain was coming down very heavy there was a stunt of people outside an college when a car crashed.

A volcano had errupted like a pimple being popped forcing the car off the road. My mind couldn't figure out what to do I did everything except call 911. I felt like a lazy child refusing to do their chores.

Trying to remain cool & collected, I informed the emergency services about the eruption. Feeling brave, I ran into the highway to warn the truck drivers about the danger ahead.

I don't believe I ever ran so fast. And I know that nothing has ever felt so overwhelming.

I began to feel quite weak, and started wondering if the situation was really as horrifying as I was making it out to be.

Porcine becomes me

2008-05-27T12:06:43Z

I love this website. Im chubby, but I have a passion for writing and this site provides me with an online outlet for creative writing. Sometimes the storys are spicy. Some are delicate. Others are frivolous. This site is not near the stature of the U.S. Constitution, but it does make me happy and I enjoy sharing and building upon the creative writing of myself and others.

If I could, I would eat a pig, after singing an opera.

This became a terrible inexplicable fetish. It was also the reason I lost my job. About two weeks ago I called boss and said there was a cold going around and unfortunately I couldn't get out of bed. It was, of course, a lie. In fact, I was watching cartoons. Porky the Pig was playing a marathon on television. The desire to eat the pig, overcame me. I wanted to eat him like a dog. All sloppy like.

My idea was to devour him after sending him through the Wood Chippers and then laying him on the Campfire.

Once his flesh was divorced from bone I remembered last time. Waves of purest joy at the site of silky red blood rolling over my skin and sliding down into the chute below me.

The blood ran hot & cold over me. Energetic... graceful, even.

Dazed & Confused, I tried to stop the bleeding with some pancakes.

The gash was too big and the pancakes already too saturated with syrup to form a clot. I would have to be manly and walk to the hospital, blood gushing from the wound.

Barely before I could reach the emergency room entrance, the gash erupted in a volcano of sickly toppings. Unless I could see a surgeon immediately, this would be a short & sweet visit...

And short and sweet it certainly was. The gash - and the rest of my torso - reached an explosive end. Surprisingly, the nearby ambulance driver kept his cool as he unexpectedly received a face-full of delicious syrup. Which reminded him... today was pancake day. As he combed the sugary excretions from his hair, he made a mental note: "I must stop in at the grocery store on the way home."

Disturbing indeed!

2008-05-27T10:08:40Z

Disturbing Crisp

Yes, disturbing crisp. Those words describe the woods I was in near the Mississippi River when I ran in to the Marx Brothers going to a movie called American Snowboarding.

Those Marx Brothers, so heartless, I saw them murder Bert & Ernie. Damned monsters.

They also are down & dirty mafiosos, cornering the global sappy sugar market. The next goal, of course, are goldfish

Goldfish, you see, are cousins to dragons, which metal bands like Anthrax use to give themselves street cred.

The brutal riffs of the metal band Spare Tire are so extreme that they've begun a new, less tame sound called Walking the Dog.

The lead singer had a bad haircut and would parade around on stage like a peacock in heat.

He'd get all foot loose & fancy free as he performed high on milk and tomato soup. Yet when his stomach caught up with his actions, the consequences were messy indeed.

The smooth & creamy tomato soup came up leaving not only a mess, but a smell as if Chinatown had exploded in the building.

I grabbed a sponge and began soaking it up, pausing to suck it dry between each mop. The steaming soup offered no relief in this hot & muggy climate, and tasted horrible. It reminded me of Aunt Maude's rice Krispies treats she forced upon us last summer. But that's a story for another time...